omggggggggggg.. i honestly can't do this anymore.

i've let myself go way too much. i'm not even exercising like i use to. i'm not doing any type of physical activity. that's not cool on me. i'm not feeling that.. more food to eat since i'm home now but yeahhhh. not cool.

i really want to do something productive with myself. i want to feel the burn, i want to feel tired, sweaty (haha, gross, i feel accomplishment when i do) just something that will make myself feel better about myself. i hate this now. just looking back at where i was.. i mean it wasn't this bad. i feel like i had more opportunities to actually do physical activity since the school i was at was straight vegetarian diet, outdoors, nothing else to do.. aside from study and exercise.. it was good. that's the thing i miss the most. exercise. i had an automatic exercise partner too.. if we wanted to go for a run we'd go. and if we felt like playing a little night tennis then we would. i fucking miss it. i want to be able to feel like i'm good with myself.

i feel like i'm not treating myself well anymore. i'm so busy with trying to do school, and helping my parents that i'm not doing me. lately, i've been having nose bleeds, idk if was caused by all this stress in school or something is internally wrong with me. i look up why nosebleeds would occur and all that. and i'm trippin out, checking my vitals every so often.